Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

Over 6 pregnancies, I've definitely heard my share of comments about children, childbirth and pregnancy in general. For those of you who haven't experienced the "joy" of tactless comments, I'll share some with you here.

Comment: "Haven't you had that baby yet?"
In my head: "Why, yes, actually. I gave birth just the other day, but I decided that I loved looking like this, so I left the baby at home and stuffed a watermelon down my shirt."

Comment: "When are you going to have the baby?"
My reply: "Don't know, but I'm due on xx date."
Follow Up: "What do you mean you don't know? Isn't this your sixth? You should KNOW something by now!"
In my head: "This may be MY 6th birth, but it is THIS baby's first. And baby's not sharing any information at this time."

Comment: "Wow! You're really getting big!"
In my head: "I'm 9 months pregnant. What's your excuse?"

Comment: "Six children?! Don't you know how that happens?"
In my head: "Yes, and obviously we enjoy it."

Comment: "How many times have you been married?"
In my head: "Eight, but all the kids belong to the 5th one."

Comment: "Well, by now you probably don't even feel anything when they're born."
In my head: "Let me kick you in the gut 5 times, then you let me know if you feel it the 6th time."

Comment: "Was it an accident?" (This is always asked by a total stranger.)
In my head: "Were you?"

Comment: (upon learning that we have homebirths) "Oh, do you have a lot of people come watch?"
In my head: "Yes, and we'll all be there for your next prostate exam." (It amazes me how many men make this comment.)

Comment: "Aren't you getting too old for that?"
In my head: "Obviously not. But since you're senile I won't comment on your rudeness."

Comment: "Hasn't anyone taught you about birth control?"
In my head: "Yes. Its a shame it didn't work for your parents."

Yes, I have really heard all those comments and more, though lately the replies don't seem to stay in my head anymore. Must be a pregnancy thing. =)

A Guessing Game

We're waiting patiently for the arrival of our littlest one. My official due date is September 20th, but I don't put much faith into due dates. I have a "due month". I've delivered #1 11 days late (from and adjusted due date - she was actually 30 days late from my first due date), #2 9 days early, #3 2 days early (right on time), #4 9 days late, and #5 5 days early.

Up until #5 (Emma), the girls were late and the boys were early, but she changed that pattern. I wonder if it was because we thought she was a boy until 2 weeks before she was born.

We don't know what this baby is. We don't know when it will decide to arrive. We do know that God has perfect timing. Anyone want to guess what it will be and when it will arrive? We could add size to the guesses, but that's really not fair. They've been all over the place - 6 lbs. 14 oz., 8 lbs 2 oz, 8 lbs 6 oz, 9 lbs 4 oz, and 7 lbs even. Sorry, no prize for the winner. I don't have time to be creative right now - I'm making a baby!

Birthday Week

This past Monday, Labor Day, was my oldest son's 17th birthday. The calendar worked out perfectly this year, because he really was born on Labor Day 17 years ago. We spent the day celebrating with friends on an island in the middle of one of the most beautiful lakes in the area. Picnicking, boating, tubing, and rock jumping for the older kids and teens. The weather was gorgeous, the company fantastic, and the food made all the better because it was shared with friends. It was a Very Good Day!

Tomorrow is my oldest daughter's 21st birthday. 21 years! My how time flies! She's about 2,000 miles away, so we won't be able to celebrate together this year. I thought about baking a cake anyway. Just because. Perhaps I should re-create her 16th birthday cake - a triple layer turtle cheesecake that took 4 or 5 bowls to make, most of an afternoon, and was absolutely worth it! On second thought, I'd better not. She'd never forgive me for making it when she isn't here to enjoy it.